A translation in my own words, my self-portrait.
While this is not my painting, I did write a spectacular translation of it. To view the painting and learn more about it, visit it here. I wish this story was one of many I wrote in art school but it is one I wrote while attending Penn State for my business degree. I guess this makes it even better. In this art history class, we had to choose a painting from within our textbook and write about it. I can’t remember the particular assignment for writing the following but please sit back and enjoy.
You are what you eat; at least that’s what my mother told me. When I look at myself in the mirror, I feel as if the world is not looking at me for who I am. What they don’t see is that I am what I eat in more ways than one. The things that I do in life make me who I am. To see this you might have to look at things a little differently. Look for the deeper meaning in life and you might just find something you didn’t know was there.
I feel calm and relaxed as if I were sitting on a beach, getting ready to enjoy a wonderful meal. I am drawn to the table where the setting is simple; yet, is neat and clean. As I am waiting for my meal, I see that the waiter has chosen a nice merlot for me, so I can assume that I am not going to be enjoying fish. As the waiter sets my meal down in front of me, I question why he has brought me a thin slice of fatty ham and nothing else. Maybe, just maybe, they have prepared this ham in a way I haven’t tasted yet, and putting anything else with it would have taken away the ham’s amazing flavor.
As I am sitting here on the beach enjoying my merlot, I stare at my meal. It seems to be pale and a little fatty, which makes me wonder if maybe it has gone bad. As I pick up my knife and fork, I think about what was said to me when I was younger.
You are what you eat!
— mother
I was worried that if I ate this ham I would be compared to it, pale with a little fat and a bit spoiled. Then I thought of the wine; merlots can be both dry and sweet with a touch of boldness. Would they see me as that; or dry, bitter with no real appeal? I began to worry.
Then I thought about the setting. I was by myself on the beach where lovers roam. How would people see me now? If you are what you eat, can you also be the actions you perform? In that case, I must be alone in this world. I would like to think that I’m not alone but waiting for someone to come and enjoy this life with me. I could also say that maybe I am not waiting for someone but enjoying the peace of having no one. Whatever, it may be I’m enjoying my time here. For now, I will just sit here staring out over the ocean, and try to find meaning in my life and how others see me in it.
The simplicity of my life can be a wonderful trait but I need to have a hidden complex side to me. I can enjoy something as simple as ham and wine but they better be the best I have ever had. I want you to see me as a bold wine, a fatty ham, and a simple table setting on the beach. They are at times, the items that best describe me; I can be as complex as the wine but simple like the table setting. Catch me on the right day and I might be as relaxed as the beach on a sunny day, or as wild as it is on a stormy one. I might have a little fat mixed in with my meat but that doesn’t take away from what I am. I am simple and complex all at the same time but you might not see that if you don’t look close enough.
The response of my professor
Wow — Very interesting take on this painting. This narrative should hang next to the Magritte’s painting in the museum! 20/20
What it means now…
I wrote this at the end of the 2000s before I went on to art school. I came across it sometime back when I needed to write a recommendation letter for a student I worked with who was interested in going to art school. She had shared a sample of her writing which was very similar to mine. This forced me to find my old papers and reminisce. And then I found this.
Does this story still hold today? Yes, I would probably write the same thing. What you are not seeing is, that this is more than a school assignment. I was going through some things. Not sure exactly what but it probably had to deal with what I am dealing with today. As I go along in life, I continue to question my place in it. This line, “I could also say that maybe I am not waiting for someone but enjoying the peace of having no one.” For the longest time, I accepted that I would be alone, with no kids, no partner, and no family. I had made my peace with that. Then out of the blue, I wasn’t happy with that. How could I have gone so far in life to just give up on having a family? Well, fate happened, and while I am not alone, some of the things I wanted so badly are now not an option.
The other part of this is that idea of what people will think of me. When you’re young and beautiful you don’t think about a lot. I never thought about the things that were said to me or how people handled me. Now that I am a thick girl, I see that while I looked good then, I was not happy. I was not happy being touched in the bar—I was not happy with the things people would ask of me—I was not happy not being good enough for people. It’s hard to believe when you’re skinny people will say that you are not skinny enough for them. They will list reasons why you don’t fit in their little boxes. While I didn’t fit into those boxes then, I am so glad that I never thought I needed to. I tried.
Today, I know that I am who I am and everything I went through shaped me to be a pretty amazing person. And if you have made it this far, I ask that you keep following to see where this journey goes.